MAN MEAT

Is there anything more amazing than a hard, smooth cock? Maybe I am horny. Maybe I am really missing Steven. Maybe both.

I can't stop thinking about his cock. Last time we were together, I had wanted to give him a blow job to completion. Not sure what happened (okay, I know what happened...we fucked...) but I didn't get to.

I just found myself cleaning my kitchen and daydreaming about it. Thinking about how he feels in my mouth. Thinking about swallowing his cum. Thinking about how much I love sucking on him. Breathing him in. Savoring him.

Penis. Cock. Dick. MAN MEAT. Call it what you want.

I want it. In my mouth. Soon.

Back to cleaning the kitchen...

H.N.T.

I love the fact that a thong can just be pushed aside...no removal required.

NEEDS

I love when sex feels so completely amazing that you can't hold still. Last night I could not hold still. Steven's hard cock was filling me up, and I was squirming here, there, and everywhere. I wanted to keep feeling, keep cumming, keep enjoying. I was moving this way, then that way, then making sure every inch was deep inside of me. I wanted to touch him everywhere, and be touched everywhere. I wanted to feel submissive, yet in control. I wanted it soft and sweet, yet rough and demanding. I COULD NOT HOLD STILL. And when he came, it was equally as satisfying to me as all of my orgasms combined.

Sometimes you don't know what you need until after you get it.

Here is what I needed last night:

- A trip to Target with Steven. We split up so we weren't seen together...it was in a risky place. However...I love Target and I love Steven. Great combo.

- Dinner at Red Lobster. Again high risk. And oh-so yummy. And my margarita was amazing.

- Cuddling in our hotel room while watching Biggest Loser. MY FAVORITE SHOW!!

- I needed to cry. I thought that I couldn't cry anymore. Telling my kids that my husband and I are separating was THE WORST thing I have EVER done as a mom. HORRIBLE. I will never, ever be able to erase the image of my oldest child's face as he absorbed the news. And so when I was laying with Steven, rubbing his back, breathing him in, I lost it. Completely lost it. Sobbing in his arms. And he held me, and talked quietly, and let me find comfort in his words and touch.

- I needed wiggly, good sex.

- I needed to have him sing to me and stroke my hair so that I would relax enough to sleep.

- I needed to sleep (even though it was restless) next to him.

- I needed to wake up next to him...actually, with his cock telling me it was time to get up...

Mmmmmm. What a GREAT night....

HALLMARK, WHERE IS THE LINE OF CARDS FOR PEOPLE HAVING AFFAIRS?

There will never be the right words to tell Steven how I feel about him.

I will never find a Hallmark card that says what I am feeling. I have looked. There isn't a SO GLAD WE ARE HAVING THIS AFFAIR line of cards. Yet. There should be.

He has changed my life. For the better. He has taught me to push my ability to love to the fullest. I am learning to be a more forgiving person. He has taught me the joy of enjoying a meal with someone that you love. I have learned to make mmmmmmmmmmmm noises when food is good.

I have become very comfortable with my body. I appreciate my curves more than I ever have. How can I not when he is so crazy about them?

I have been pushed sexually past any limits I thought were possible. I have done things I never in a million years thought that I would do. And I liked them. I am BRAVE. SO BRAVE. I have learned to relish all that is sexual and sensual.

I have never liked kissing someone as much as I like kissing Steven.

I have never fought with someone the way I can with Steven.

My relationship with him has made me laugh harder, cry more, think bigger, and love more than I thought possible.

We have done so much together in our almost 9 months together. There is so much I still want to do with him. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I imagine us doing various things...big things like trips and small things like shopping.

It is almost hard for me to remember my life before him. And now when I look back at pictures of me before him, the unhappiness is so obvious that it hurts.

He is an amazing man. I admire him so much. I love hearing about him with his kids. I love seeing him with his youngest child. They stopped in to see me at work today and my heart melted watching him being a daddy.

I admire him professionally. He is driven. Hard working. His work voice turns me on (as long as it isn't directed at me!) and I want to know the ins and outs of his job.

I admire him spiritually. He knows a ton. He has pushed me to learn...more about my own beliefs, learn about his beliefs, to question things, to take responsibility for my own knowledge.

I admire him sexually. He is adventurous. He is BRAVE. He is confident. Sexy. Giving. Loving.

Steven is the best thing that has ever happened to me. There are times that I want to hit him. There are times that we fight so bad I could just write him off forever. There are times that we say horrible things to each other. However, when I look at the big picture, I need him.

I need this. I need this relationship more than anything. And sometimes I take it for granted. Sometimes I don't appreciate him, or this relationship like I should. There are times that I don't do or say the right things.

I need to do this right. I need to do whatever I can to make this work. I need to work harder, smarter, faster, and sweeter at this relationship than I have ever worked at anything.

And so I will. I will do this. I will. I can. I can do anything I put my mind to.

And then when I have done that, I will work on talking to HALLMARK about the line of cards for people, and situations, like this. WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR AFFAIR...now available at Hallmark. I can just see it now!

H.N.T. - PIGTAILS

Sometimes there is something so naughty, yet so NICE about PIGTAILS. TRICK OR TREAT!

FUCK ME SILLY

Sometimes getting completely lost in sex is the most amazing feeling ever.

To lose all awareness of everything...time, your surroundings, everything.

I did this last night.

And I REALLY NEEDED IT.

Round 1 was great, intense sex. Kisses, eye contact, oral...me getting a little emotional, and Steven whispering to just relax and let us do what we do best. Love each other. A little bit of everything, including some anal with Steven on top. This is really a pretty sweet position...you get the intimacy of being face to face while getting the naughtiness of anal. That is nice right there! Climax after climax...mmmmm...it was good. Some snuggle time afterwards was amazing too.

Round 2 was great, intense sex. YET, it was different.

At one point, Steven's cock was thrusting in and out of my mouth. His warm lips were teasing my nipples. I was working my friend, MR. HOT PINK VIBRATOR, around my clit, and occasionally sliding it in and out of me. MOST of my arousal was coming from is cock in my mouth. He would occasionally take it out, stroke it himself, and watching that right by my face was pretty hot. I flirted with mini-orgasms...not wanting to stop...letting the intensity grow...Steven was enjoying watching me play with MR. HOT PINK VIBRATOR...it was almost too much going on at once.

When he climbed on top of me and slid himself inside me (have I mentioned that feeling our bodies connected feels like I am just where I belong?) I continued to let MR. HOT PINK VIBRATOR buzz around my clit. Steven pounded and pounded, I looked at him, kissed him, touched his face. I knew he was close, and I was on the verge of something crazy. The knowledge that he was close to cumming was just what I needed...within seconds of each other we both explode orgasmically...and whatever the fuck noises I made cracked Steven up. It was seriously a crazy intense, long lasting, mind blowing orgasm. I felt what control I had of my body leave me, and I did a laugh/moan/scream/almost crying thing. I know I laughed...have you ever felt SO GOOD that laughing is all that you can do? It was like that. I was FUCKED SILLY.

My "real" life is in transition right now. My husband is going to slowly start to transition out of our house. I have talked to a lawyer. We need to talk to our children next week. My husband and I are on the same page...we know that we are doing what we need to do. What is best for both of us. There is no ugliness. No fighting. However, it is a lot for me to wrap my mind around. I am happy, sad, excited, scared. I am EXHAUSTED. I don't know when I have had a great night of sleep last. I am worried that Steven and I won't survive this transition I am going through. I am worried that when his time comes, when he is ready to dissolve his marriage, that I won't be what he needs. That I won't be a good support. There is SO MUCH on my mind.

And you know what? What I can't stop thinking about is HOW STRONG I AM. I can do this. My kids will be fine. They have two parents that love them, and will always take care of them. They will be fine. And I will too. I am also thinking that I am ONE STEP closer to where I belong...

This is a journey. A day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute journey. It isn't always pretty. It isn't always easy. It is exhausting. But, if I can lose myself for a few moments and embrace the true love that is between Steven and myself, I am okay. In that moment, I am okay.

I think great sex is like therapy. At least for me.

H.N.T. - BOOBIES

Even though the quality isn't great in this picture it turns me on. I love his mouth and hands on my boobies!