WOW! PEOPLE REALLY READ US!

I just checked the email account associated with the blog and was amazed to see comments that we have gotten recently from readers wanting updates. I apologize for the MONTHS that have gone by without postings!

Where to start? It has been a hell of a year. I have dealt with more than my share of crap. However, it is December, and I am BLESSED. My divorce was final in August. I got a great new job in March and I LOVE IT. My children are happy and healthy. AND...

Steven and I are still together.

Don't get me wrong, I won't sugar coat it. We have had a ROUGH time. Taking my marital status from married to single while his has remained married has just about wrecked us. However, he is working on his end of it, and one of these days y'all are going to see a post that I have been DYING to write for months and months...one about how we are finally US.

My life changed the day I met Steven, and we belong together. We are so fucking stubborn and terrible to each other sometimes. I look at him and feel a love like no other. I crave him. I need him. We need each other. It is complicated...our love and our fighting is best explained like a line in an Eminem song..."That's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano".

I believe that all things happen when they are supposed to. And it is exciting to be on the verge of something so BIG. It is scary too. I wonder things...like will his kids like me? Will my kids and his kids like each other? Are we trying to do the impossible? And then I stop. NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE. When my skin touches his skin, my mouth tastes his mouth, my eyes look into his...I know. I just know. I am going to look back at this post next Christmas and be amazed at what we will do in 2011.

THANK YOU for reading us, for thinking of us, for following our story. We still have hot amazing sex. We have become quite tame lately...spending lots of time at my house, enjoying intimate dinners out, craving each other instead of an audience. We go through phases...and right now we are kind of in a survival phase. We are surviving. We need to nurture US more than anything. I know we will do crazy things again...we will most certainly have sex for an audience again...we will probably enjoy watching people at the swinger's club again...we are sure to come up with some naughty new adventures too.

We wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy 2011...stay tuned...there is more of us yet to come!

Missy

I LOVE HIM...

I have never loved a man like I love Steven. Ever.

I didn't know it could be like this.

I look at him, and see him as flawless. Whether he is sleeping, talking, puking, yelling, whispering, or kissing me...he is always flawless.

I feel complete with him. And incomplete without him.

He never bores me. I want to eat the words that come out of his mouth. I hang on...listening, intrigued.

His smell is intoxicating. His taste addictive. His feel calming, yet arousing.

I never thought that I could open up to someone the way I have him. I have given it all to him, piece by piece, and don't regret any of it.

I believe that things happen for a reason. We are too different, too unlikely to have met in a normal way. We were brought together on that cold, wet Saturday last February. He needed me. I needed him. And we were brought together.

All good things in life have obstacles. All good things have challenges. We are definitely victims of both.

A love like ours is a once in a lifetime experience.

IT IS ALWAYS SO GOOD...

...and it is never the same.

Sometimes it is fucking. Sometimes it is making love. Sometimes it is sex.

And it is always so good.

We kiss. We lick. We grab. We taste. We move. We communicate. We adjust our bodies almost as if we have choreographed it, but we haven't. I used to think there were only a few positions to have sex in. There are dozens. A little lift here, a stretch there, a turn this way...sometimes the slightest, most random moves can end up being really great positions.

He tells me what to do. Sometimes I get bossy myself. He tells me to suck his cock...instead I climb on it and ride it for a few, and THEN suck on it...tasting US inside my mouth.

He knows when to grab my hair. He knows when to be rough. When to be soft. When I need more kisses. When I need more ass slapping.

Sometimes he tells me to cum. Sometimes I tell him to cum. Sometimes we do it in unison. Sometimes we don't.

I know that he likes to see what we are doing in the mirror. He knows that if his head is between my legs and I want his tongue higher or lower that I will gently touch his face and move it to where it feels like perfection.

He knows that if I start crying during sex, that it is not a bad thing. It is simply an overwhelming feeling of intense emotions that I can't contain. He knows that if I am mid orgasm and tell him that I hate him, that I really mean I AM UNABLE TO COMPREHEND HOW GOOD HE MAKES ME FEEL AND WHERE WAS HE A DECADE AGO?

I like being his good girl. His bad girl. His dirty girl. His freaky girl. HIS girl.

Sometimes I smother him with affection and it is too much for him. Sometimes he sticks his finger in my belly button and it pisses me off.

We love each other with such depth. Such intensity. We breathe each other in as if the other is a drug and we need another hit.

Waking up next to him, feeling his skin, smelling his hair, kissing his sleepy mouth...it reminds me how blessed I am. I have a best friend that I can share anything with. He gets my sense of humor, my sexual needs, and all that is me more than anyone in the world.

I love him. So. Damn. Much.

BAGGAGE

Steven said something interesting as we ended our conversation tonight that I have been dwelling on.

He mentioned that we need to remember the baggage that is coming with each other. He was referring to something that happened between us, and the realization that my reaction had more to do with previous issues than HIM.

I guess baggage is unavoidable. It is everywhere. We both brought baggage into our relationship, and together we create baggage. Some good, some awful. Yet, all are pieces to what makes us who we are.

I have felt a general sense of loss these past few months, and I feel that I am beginning to dig my way out of a scary place. I got a job, one that I think I will enjoy doing. The pay is less than I would have liked, but the benefits and schedule make up for that and then some. I will have a great schedule that works well with my kids, Steven, and all other aspects of my life. I feel so blessed that this has happened. I feel good about the progress of my divorce. I feel like things are getting on track in most aspects of my life.

I am DEATHLY afraid of losing Steven. We have overcome so much to get to this point. To be SO CLOSE to our relationship being REAL is scary, because I want it so bad it hurts. I have taken to sleeping with an article of his clothing when he isn't with me...finding comfort where I can...breathing in his smell and reminding myself that each night is one night closer to us being together for real.

How can one person make me so happy, so excited, so in love, so sad, so hurt, so confused, so vulnerable? How can one person make me feel so pretty, so cared for, so special? How can one person make me laugh so hard, smile so big? How can one person make me feel such pleasure, cum so many times, scream so loud during sex? How can someone make me lose such control of my mind, my heart, and my body?

I love him. So damn much. I will gladly carry his baggage, and I know he will gladly carry mine.

Right now, that means the world to me. It always will.

T.M.I. TUESDAY - 7 DEADLY SINS

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for? Absolutely NO ONE. Lusting after him is a FULL TIME JOB and I am NOT kidding.

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton? Carbs...bread, crackers.

3. GREED: What are you greedy for? Too many things right now. I hate greediness, and right now I want more Steven, more money, and more security. I find comfort in the fact that I am a giving person, and these needs are circumstantial.

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth? Cozies (my word for PJs), lots of pillows, lots of sleep, and a certain cutie right next to me.

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone. Physically? Never. Verbally? Too many to list.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why? Right now I envy people that have their shit together. I have a friend that has always been worse off than me, and today it occurred to me that she really has it all together from every aspect, and, well, I don't. I envy people with careers they love, financial stability, and the love of their life under the same roof as them.

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of? For the first time in 15 years I don't have a job. That is pride swallowing right there. To know that you are totally dependent on everything but yourself SUCKS. What am I proud of? Myself as a mother. I have great kids. I like who I am as a mom. I like how being a mom feels. My kids bring me joy that is unlike anything else.

ONE YEAR

A year ago today, on February 7, 2009, I found my Steven. I randomly posted an ad on Craigslist looking for SOMETHING. I wasn't even sure WHAT in the hell I was doing or looking for, I just knew that whatever it was did not exist within my own four walls.

I found it. Him.

I have spent much of this week reflecting on us, our relationship, and how we got here. I decided to make him a hard bound book that had memories, thoughts, things I love, and other randomness in it. I threw some pictures and old emails in it too. It was probably a 6 hour project start to finish, and I almost did it for myself as much as I did it for him. It slowed me down, and really made me think about this past year. It also confirmed that I am headed in the right direction with Steven. The thoughts and memories flowed freely while I worked on the book and it occurred to me that it would be impossible to do something like this based on my 12 year marriage. What does THAT tell you? I read through my work several times, and it was at times quite emotional for me. In a good way. The intensity in which I love Steven can be overwhelming, and something as stupid as thinking over our first meeting could bring me to tears. Good ones.

Fittingly and ironically, I filed for divorce this week. It was liberating. I thought back to where I was, where my head was, and where my heart was a year ago and the only thing that has made this final year of marriage somewhat manageable was Steven. It also felt RIGHT. Nothing about it was BECAUSE OF STEVEN. All of it was BECAUSE OF ME. I feel like my relationship with Steven has made me value my own happiness so much more, and he has been an immense source of love and support. However, he hasn't wrecked a home. If he ended this relationship today my divorce would still happen. And that feels right.

Last night we celebrated by staying the night at the hotel that we first got together at. We had an amazing dinner in our room, drank a bunch of margaritas, watched a movie, and genuinely enjoyed being together. It was quite perfect. Oh, and yes, there was hot sex too!

I am SO EXCITED about my future! I mean, REALLY! Where will I get a job? What will happen when Steven leaves his wife? How amazing will it be when we are both free to just be US? It is all SO EXCITING! Of course, it is nerve wracking, and of course, being "single" while he is still very "married" is trying. Of course job hunting and divorcing are hard things. However, it is the home stretch for US as a couple involved in an affair. We are SO CLOSE to being something so much more that I can taste it. I can SEE IT too. Now that my husband is out of the picture, Steven can come over. Stay the night. Hang out. And that is so much more "real life" than a hotel room. And I love how REAL LIFE looks and feels!

I am so thankful. One year ago, my life changed forever. A beautiful, strong, smart, hilarious man entered my life. Someone that has depth. Someone that is my best friend. Someone that has a light that you can't miss, yet a darkness that I relate to. Someone that has loved me more than I knew possible.

I'm crazy about you Steven. Happy Anniversary!

T.M.I. TUESDAY

1. Ideal amount of sex per week?

At least 4 times. I think daily would be ideal though.

2. Ever had an online affair?

Exclusively? No. Started one online? Yep.

3. Are you a member of the mile high club?

Nope. Wouldn't mind being one though. After flying across the world, I can see that it would be tempting on one of those 9+ hour flights...

4. Are you prejudiced against any particular group of people?

Only those that are prejudiced against others.

5. What constitutes bad sex?

Selfish sex. Sex with someone that you can't relax and be yourself with. Sex that leaves you hanging and not satisfied in some way, shape, or form. The end result doesn't have to be fireworks, but you should feel good about it. You should feel good about how your partner feels.