I'M THINKING ABOUT...

SEXUAL THOUGHTS:

Nipple clamps...we might go check some out at the adult store tomorrow.

Watching people having sex.

People watching US.

Giving a long, take-your-time blow job.

NON-SEXUAL THOUGHTS:

I have recently reconnected with an old friend on Facebook. I saw her a couple of years ago at my high school reunion, and in a nutshell, she has had a rough life. Her mom died when she was a kid, her dad is an ass, she had a baby young with a criminal, had another baby a few years later, married him, and he died a few years ago in a car wreck. Tragic. We have woven in and out of each other's lives, but I think of her often.

The point?

She recently remarried. And had pictures on her Facebook. And while the love that she shares with her new husband is clear, what made me warm-fuzzy-hopeful-smiley was the KIDS. I know that two are hers for sure. The other kids are his, maybe one is shared? Not sure. BUT THERE WERE ALL OF THESE KIDS AND THESE HAPPY PARENTS and I loved it. Positively loved it. Lots. Of. Kids.

My second non-sexual thought of the day is that volatile relationships can work. There are times that I think that Steven and I are so fucked up with each other that I could just run away and never look back. And today, today I thought about a couple that is near and dear to me, and they have been for over half of my life. And while fighting isn't good, good couples fight. And when I was in high school, I used to babysit for them. And one afternoon after a particulary heated conversation between them over something lame, the wife and I got in the car with the baby and she tore off down the driveway in her SUV and took out every single light that lined their driveway as we drove off. I remember snickering, being amused. Within minutes she was on her cell phone with her husband, and after a little more bickering all was well and we were buying him a Blizzard at Dairy Queen and heading home. They just celebrated their 20 year wedding anniversary and are one of the most amazing couples ever.

The point?

I would drive over a bunch of lights lining a driveway out of frustration with Steven. However, I would be right back with a Blizzard as well.

I know he feels the same way.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I am laying in our cozy hotel bed, aware that Steven is in and out of sleep. I am too. His hand was resting between my legs, and I reached down and felt how wet I was, and couldn't stop touching.

I kept my eyes closed, and wasn't really sure when he was awake and when he was asleep. I started slowly, fingering myself, using different motions and speeds on my clit. I would occasionally let my fingers graze his hand which was still resting down there...wiping my juices on his fingers. It felt sooooo good, I just kept going and going, using my other hand to tweak my nipples...and keeping my eyes closed the whole time.

Something about this felt surreal...I loved knowing that he was there, maybe watching, maybe not. It was fantasy like.

He finally made his presence known by bringing his mouth to my nipples and I was tormenting myself by holding back from cumming. I threw the blankets back so he could get the full view of my dripping pussy and wet fingers working their magic. I got to that point where I shoved a couple of fingers inside of myself and thrust them in and out. Steven realized that I could benefit from his cock inside of me, and gladly let me have it. His throbbing cock filled me up, but I didn't want him moving. I wanted to keep this eyes-closed-I-am-masturbating-and-he-is-watching thing going.

I let my orgasm build and build and build, really not aware of what Steven was doing. Sometimes he was sitting there with his cock inside of me, sometimes he was watching and stroking himself.

When I couldn't take another second, I allowed myself to cum, and I exploded with such force that my pussy pushed his cock out as I let out a scream.

This was only one small part of a wonderful weekend together. My birthday was last week, and I can honestly say that Steven gave me the BEST BIRTHDAY I have EVER HAD. He took a vacation day, booked a nice room for two nights, and spoiled me with gifts, sex, great meals, and amazing quality time together. It was blissful!

Saturday night we had been drinking and then decided to scope out the Swinger's Club. And I can't stop thinking about it...we weren't there that long, but the highlight for me was LISTENING to this couple having great sex. It made me SO HOT! My pussy was literally DRIPPING and I had to have Steven right then and there, and you had better believe that I got competitive with my vocal skills. FUCK it was so hot hearing them...I told Steven that we need to work on some sort of same room thing with another couple...I don't want to do anything with other people but I want to HEAR them and SEE them and completely lose myself in observing other people having sex.

So...it was a great time. He is amazing. I have never had a guy that puts so much thought into everything...down to the details...like wrapping a gift in my favorite color for example. We seriously spent all day yesterday in our hotel room, except for going to eat around lunch time. It was glorious...being in a bed, watching tv, napping, having sex. JUST WHAT I NEEDED. It had been a rough week last week (hence the lack of postings on here)...I had minor surgery, limited Steven time, and just too much going on. To have that quiet, intimate day together after having a wild, crazy, sexy night out was amazing.

Best of all, for the first time in my life I feel like I am being my authentic self with someone. There are no secrets. Nothing to hide. I give him all of it, and he gives me it all back. And to have that feels amazing! To be able to say what I want and need and think about, and have no qualms in doing so is liberating.

And there is nothing like a sexually charged few days to make me want more...I can't stop thinking about that couple and hearing them. It was so hot to me to do that masturbation thing with Steven next to me. My mind is racing...ohhhh the possibilities...

Did I mention that this was the BEST BIRTHDAY EVER? It was.

MAN MEAT

Is there anything more amazing than a hard, smooth cock? Maybe I am horny. Maybe I am really missing Steven. Maybe both.

I can't stop thinking about his cock. Last time we were together, I had wanted to give him a blow job to completion. Not sure what happened (okay, I know what happened...we fucked...) but I didn't get to.

I just found myself cleaning my kitchen and daydreaming about it. Thinking about how he feels in my mouth. Thinking about swallowing his cum. Thinking about how much I love sucking on him. Breathing him in. Savoring him.

Penis. Cock. Dick. MAN MEAT. Call it what you want.

I want it. In my mouth. Soon.

Back to cleaning the kitchen...

H.N.T.

I love the fact that a thong can just be pushed aside...no removal required.

NEEDS

I love when sex feels so completely amazing that you can't hold still. Last night I could not hold still. Steven's hard cock was filling me up, and I was squirming here, there, and everywhere. I wanted to keep feeling, keep cumming, keep enjoying. I was moving this way, then that way, then making sure every inch was deep inside of me. I wanted to touch him everywhere, and be touched everywhere. I wanted to feel submissive, yet in control. I wanted it soft and sweet, yet rough and demanding. I COULD NOT HOLD STILL. And when he came, it was equally as satisfying to me as all of my orgasms combined.

Sometimes you don't know what you need until after you get it.

Here is what I needed last night:

- A trip to Target with Steven. We split up so we weren't seen together...it was in a risky place. However...I love Target and I love Steven. Great combo.

- Dinner at Red Lobster. Again high risk. And oh-so yummy. And my margarita was amazing.

- Cuddling in our hotel room while watching Biggest Loser. MY FAVORITE SHOW!!

- I needed to cry. I thought that I couldn't cry anymore. Telling my kids that my husband and I are separating was THE WORST thing I have EVER done as a mom. HORRIBLE. I will never, ever be able to erase the image of my oldest child's face as he absorbed the news. And so when I was laying with Steven, rubbing his back, breathing him in, I lost it. Completely lost it. Sobbing in his arms. And he held me, and talked quietly, and let me find comfort in his words and touch.

- I needed wiggly, good sex.

- I needed to have him sing to me and stroke my hair so that I would relax enough to sleep.

- I needed to sleep (even though it was restless) next to him.

- I needed to wake up next to him...actually, with his cock telling me it was time to get up...

Mmmmmm. What a GREAT night....

HALLMARK, WHERE IS THE LINE OF CARDS FOR PEOPLE HAVING AFFAIRS?

There will never be the right words to tell Steven how I feel about him.

I will never find a Hallmark card that says what I am feeling. I have looked. There isn't a SO GLAD WE ARE HAVING THIS AFFAIR line of cards. Yet. There should be.

He has changed my life. For the better. He has taught me to push my ability to love to the fullest. I am learning to be a more forgiving person. He has taught me the joy of enjoying a meal with someone that you love. I have learned to make mmmmmmmmmmmm noises when food is good.

I have become very comfortable with my body. I appreciate my curves more than I ever have. How can I not when he is so crazy about them?

I have been pushed sexually past any limits I thought were possible. I have done things I never in a million years thought that I would do. And I liked them. I am BRAVE. SO BRAVE. I have learned to relish all that is sexual and sensual.

I have never liked kissing someone as much as I like kissing Steven.

I have never fought with someone the way I can with Steven.

My relationship with him has made me laugh harder, cry more, think bigger, and love more than I thought possible.

We have done so much together in our almost 9 months together. There is so much I still want to do with him. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I imagine us doing various things...big things like trips and small things like shopping.

It is almost hard for me to remember my life before him. And now when I look back at pictures of me before him, the unhappiness is so obvious that it hurts.

He is an amazing man. I admire him so much. I love hearing about him with his kids. I love seeing him with his youngest child. They stopped in to see me at work today and my heart melted watching him being a daddy.

I admire him professionally. He is driven. Hard working. His work voice turns me on (as long as it isn't directed at me!) and I want to know the ins and outs of his job.

I admire him spiritually. He knows a ton. He has pushed me to learn...more about my own beliefs, learn about his beliefs, to question things, to take responsibility for my own knowledge.

I admire him sexually. He is adventurous. He is BRAVE. He is confident. Sexy. Giving. Loving.

Steven is the best thing that has ever happened to me. There are times that I want to hit him. There are times that we fight so bad I could just write him off forever. There are times that we say horrible things to each other. However, when I look at the big picture, I need him.

I need this. I need this relationship more than anything. And sometimes I take it for granted. Sometimes I don't appreciate him, or this relationship like I should. There are times that I don't do or say the right things.

I need to do this right. I need to do whatever I can to make this work. I need to work harder, smarter, faster, and sweeter at this relationship than I have ever worked at anything.

And so I will. I will do this. I will. I can. I can do anything I put my mind to.

And then when I have done that, I will work on talking to HALLMARK about the line of cards for people, and situations, like this. WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR AFFAIR...now available at Hallmark. I can just see it now!

H.N.T. - PIGTAILS

Sometimes there is something so naughty, yet so NICE about PIGTAILS. TRICK OR TREAT!